Why Do I...

It's amazing how we get caught up in trends, exactly who decides what's gonna be the in thing anyway? I mean who puts it out there first? I'd like to meet these charismatic individuals! Now that's what you call power! To have an impact on millions of people, to be able to get them shamelessly copy your style. There are even people out here buying merchandise that they don't like or feel comfortable in, some can't even afford it! I have witnessed this madness I was shopping with a friend and she picked up this funny looking shirt commenting on how cute it was, I asked if she was serious and she replied "But it's a Donna Karan!" So is that what made it cute? I know that everyone has there own taste, I'm fine with that but I have a problem with someone only buying an expensive item just because it's expensive! I've experienced the same thing with cars, somebody loves a car until they discover it doesn't have the "right" emblem. Come on now! You loved the car prior to seeing it's emblem, nothing has changed except the emblem - so why the sudden change of heart? That's so sad, It really is because what's it says to the world is that this person does not know who they are. By the way...do you know who you are? Do you need other people's approval before you decide if you like or are okay with something?(Please be honest with yourself...if no one else.)If this is the case for you may I suggest you read Approval Addition by Joyce Meyer? I'll admit I've had my moments with the designer phase and fallen into that place of needing to be validated by my social standing at times and I'm very happy to say that I've gotten up! It didn't last long, thanks to my ability to be brutally honest with myself. The money just wasn't matching the merchandise! What since does it make to go into debt buying what you can not afford to fatten the pockets of someone who's already financially set? It means more to me for my family to have financial security than to be able impress other people. The designers or the society we so desperately want to be validated by couldn't care less, once you're out of sight you're out of mind. We must know who we are, that's why I love the Obamas! They know who they are, which allows them to be comfortable in their skin. This is a good place to be whether you're wealthy or not, the world is so different when you know who you are because you no longer feel the need to be who you think others want you to be. I'm trying to keep my children from having this mindset, I show them that we are not... what we live in or what we drive, or what we wear that's not what makes us who we are! I try to help them realize that it's what on the inside that matters most because if we were to be stripped of all the material things we will still be who we truly are. So my number one priority is to encourage my family, friends and anyone else that I blessed to be able to come in contact with to work on the inner first. When you're healthy on the inside (mind body and spirit) it will radiate, people will take notice and this my friend is the type of attention that money can not buy.

Wha'ts It Gonna Be?

Loneliness means to be alone, isolated or looking for company. Feeling this way could cause one to make a whole lot of bad choices! When feeling extremely lonely we could very easily find ourselves dating someone we wouldn't have usually given a second glance. Our list of physical requirements that we've created for the ideal man gets shorter and shorter and the bar that we've set according to our idea of a successful man gradually gets lower and lower. We even start hanging out with platonic friends we wouldn't have chosen prior to experiencing loneliness. In some cases the one that we want to be with isn't ready for a serious relationship but doesn't have the decency to tell us, so he tries to have his cake and eat it too. However we're so caught up in him we don't even realize it, which only makes matters worse! Now we have that physical someone set in our sights, we're imagining what it would be like to live with him, and if we were to be really honest... subconsciously we're planning to spend the rest of our lives together. Why do we do this to ourselves ladies? We allow ourselves to go too far within the confines of our minds let alone reality! When we began to all these emotions we need to STOP!!! Ask yourself first - not him, how does he feel about me? Do we share in these sentiments? Is he someplace imagining what life would be like with me? Ladies it's crucial that we are 100% honest with ourselves. We must be willing step back, examine and confront the truth...as painful as it may be. Ask yourself...am I doing all or most of the calling/communicating? Is he always the one getting off the phone first? Am I the one who's always initiating our spending time together? Try waiting for him to ask you to go out sometimes, and please don't buy the I don't know what you want me to do line. Men know what to do when they want to do it! If they're interested in someone they will call, they will come and they will do! We have to stop accepting any and everything they tell us. Bottom line you can't be afraid to lose someone, when you are, you're at their mercy. I heard someone say the person who cares the least controls the relationship, this makes sense to me because if you're dealing with someone who could take or leave you they will do just that,"TAKE OR LEAVE YOU!" Because it really doesn't matter to him, I'm sorry to say but if this is the case for you acknowledge it, pull the blinders off and SEE WHAT IS THERE and not WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE. You have to be okay with being single for a while, we can no longer put our lives on hold while waiting for anything! Tomorrow is not promised, we have to keep living and make it a priority to enjoy ourselves as often as we can. I always hear women say they met their mate when they wasn't even thinking about a relationship. The women I talked to said they just stopped worrying about having somebody and started enjoying their lives. You will not be able to do this on your own, you will need God to give you wisdom, discernment, to strengthen you. It would help to have some supportive non-judgmental friends in your corner. Once you take this step you're well on your way to getting who and what it is that you truly desire.

I would like for you to join me in this little exercise I'm doing, every time you're tempted to be negative switch gears. If you're about to have a negative thought think of something positive - if you want to complain give thanks - if you're tempted to say something bad say something nice and if you find yourself frowning start smiling. I don't think we're aware of just how negative we can be. I'm going to do this for twenty four hours, I'm hoping you will join me and even share it with others. Before we start let's take a few minutes to release.
DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN...
you're trying to get off the phone and the other party keeps talking?( they don't even pause so that you can tell them you have to go.)
some one's lying but you can't say anything because you will reveal your source?
you've been thinking about eating something all day, but someone got to it before you could?
you're in a hurry driving behind somebody who's going real slow and looking around?
people talk to close to your face, they spit while they're talking or has bad breath?
someone tells the same story and keeps going after you've reminded them that they've told you already?
people sneeze, burp, cough or pass gas and there's no place for you to get away?(this usually happens on the plane-I hate it!)
your friend buys everything you buy?
people agree just keep everyone happy?
people don't speak up for themselves but want you to speak up for them?
somebody can see what's wrong with every one except them?
some body's watching you and you don't know it?( like when you're yawning or eating fast)
somebody keeps slapping you five?
ugly people call other people ugly?
people talk about spending their income tax check a hundred different ways?
people make sure you know what they paid for something?
people ask you for a bite? what's a bite gonna do for them?
some one's in charge and they need for everybody to know it?
people take credit for something they didn't do?
people say"I don't care but you know they do?
people brag about what other people have?(still can't figure that out!)
people give you wrong directions?
you go out and your friends are ready to go home but your not?
you take orders before going to the store and the people who didn't get anything ask for some of your food?

Okay-okay the list is never ending! For twenty four hours we are not to respond to these or any other types of anger provoking situations in a negative way.

what Do You See When You Look In The Mirror?

When we look in the mirror the initial perception of the reflection is what we actually see, but the longer we look we began to see what we want and what we wished that everyone else could see. Actually it's quite easy to confuse the two...I'm sure you've seen the double sided mirrors, there's the side with the normal reflection of you then there's the other side with the magnified reflection. Now that could really bring a girl down on one of those "I'm not feeling so cute days!" You see all kinds of stuff that you didn't even know was there. However I think that side is the best side because I want to be aware of my imperfections, a girl can only apply but so much make up and lashes before having to face the truth. At some point we must take off the mask and confront the barefaced truth(no pun intended.)I'm gonna to let you in on a little secret, some people see the stuff we try to hide anyway. Ironically all that covering up draws more attention to what we're trying to hide in the first place! I mean a longer shirt-especially if it's not loose doesn't hide the pot belly and big booty. Perfume will not mask funk it makes it worse! I'm not being mean...I remember when my teeth were crooked I would cover my mouth every time I laughed but it only brought more attention to my teeth, the very thing I was trying to hide. I said all this to say see the real you and began to love and accept everything about her even the things you don't like. It's no use going around feeling sad or otherwise about things you can't change and if it's it's something you are able to change than thank God and get to working on it! Have you noticed most people treat you like you treat yourself? We live in a very superficial society, seems to me most people don't take the time to get to know someone before they decide how they will or will not interact with them based on their appearance. Now that's not right! But it's the way it is, don't get me wrong! If you're okay with who, how and what you are keep it moving, but if not learn to embrace every part of you. Maximize your strengths and build on your weaknesses, remember most people will treat you like you treat you.

Holding on....

When you are holding on to Jesus you are never to let go! Now I'll be the first one to tell someone not to chase someone or to let go if things aren't working, but when it comes to King Jesus we are to hold on until we take our last breath! First of all out of everyone we can trust we can trust Jesus, He wants what's best for us. When God does allow us to be uncomfortable and we experience pain of some sort, physical or otherwise there's a purpose for it. When we hold on and don't walk away prematurely we learn, again ( that's the purpose of pain it is to teach us. If we we're as obedient as we should be in the first place it wouldn't take all that it does to make us stop and give God our undivided attention (which He knows how to get when He's ready!). Unfortunately human nature is not always so cooperative, therefore we have to have circumstances that stops us dead in our tracks (illness, lack, break ups etc.) come upon us so that we can slow down and reevaluate our priorities. God doesn't want us to settle for crumbs! He wants us to have abundant life but he knows just how much to give us and how soon we should have it. So if you're in a place of wanting to let go you must remember that your heavenly Father knows what we need, He knows our limits, He knows all things. For those who've already thrown in the towel pick it up again! Don't be so concerned with what you did wrong (He already knew what you would do anyway) God unlike people, looks on our hearts and He judges us by our intentions not only our actions. Apologize to those whom you've hurt/offended/disappointed and forgive if you were on the receiving end. Whatever the case maybe there's nothing too hard for God! I love that God knows us through and through, even better than we know know ourselves! He understands our propensity to simply put -MESS UP. The best part about it is He is able
to fix anything...when we let Him. So please don't let go, even when we're feeling our worst we must hang on and He will bring us through. He's faithful that way.

Friendship

Every one's definition of friendship is different, some view friendship as a relationship with a person who likes you, and you like them as well. They're somebody fun to hang out with and that someone you can always call on when you need hand. Others think of friendship as someone I've known along while but really don't spend a great deal of time together we hang out, have a blast and we can always pick up where we left off. Then there are others like myself, the deep folk! To me friendship is a bond that people share that's never broken. It's allowing room for one an other's faults, it's being honest no matter what-being comfortable enough with each other to say things that no one else cares enough to say or just don't have the guts to tell you. It's having the freedom to tell each other when we're hurt or offended by something that may or may not have been said or done. It's not being afraid that if we speak our minds we're gonna get the boot. To me...friendship being truthful, loyal, willing to sacrifice, to compromise, to forgive and love unconditionally. I remember hearing the "old folks" say, "You're lucky if your able to find one friend in your lifetime." I agree and I thank God for those He has blessed me with. The ones that I can call FRIEND.

Be True To Yourself

I've been talking to friends who've had their hearts broken over the years but recently I've been getting a little frustrated because the women I'm talking to have been down this road before. I don't mean to be harsh but I think women love too hard too soon. Now I don't want to come off like I'm exempt from having my heart broken because I have. My point is once you've experienced this kind of pain it seems like you wouldn't be so quick to put yourself in the position where it could happen again. Yes there is a way to avoid getting a broken heart...you have to think like a man! Men get there hearts broken as well ,but not nearly as much as women do. I believe men set boundaries, whether they say it or not and they hold to them. I think as soon as they decide to get serious they have already trained the women to not overstep these boundaries. Think about it...it seems to me that women always turn the relationship over to the men. You could ask a woman how serious their relationship is and she'll respond "I don't know-he hasn't said anything." Why does he have to be the first decide the direction in which the relationship is going? Especially if you're wanting to go to the next level anyway. Women have got to be more aggressive as far as letting men know what we want, I know that men sense the fear when we want to talk about commitment but are too afraid that he'll back off. I remember having this conversation with my husband , we were together a long time before we married and I was okay with it. However when I was ready to get married, I was willing to leave if he didn't marry me. This is where I think the problem lies, if you're not prepared to walk away then don't even bring up marriage to him, especially if you already know he's not crazy about the idea. Again they will sense your fear, which means they are in control and when they're in control things are going to be however they want them to be. So we're trying to avoid the huge pain of a break up that comes all at once and instead we take the long drawn out route, hoping one day he'll change his mind. Remember this.... anything you chase will run.

People can only do to you that which you allow them to do-so next time someone does something to you that you don't like ask yourself ....why am I allowing this? Than quickly speak out !

To all the fortunate women who do have a "Good Man"...........don't be no fool! You better treat him right girl or someone else will. Let him know he's appreciated, they need to be praised for all they do. The more you praise him the better he will be, so don't sweat the small stuff! Cut him some slack when he's lacking in some areas, if the good out weighs the bad- hold on to your love lol!