What About ME?

With all the technology available to us today I'm amazed at how many people who are still wandering around lost. We have the men who don't know how to treat women and the women who don't know how they should be treated by men. Parent's who continue to have children but aren't really clear as to how they should raise them. There are the bosses who don't know how to treat their employees and vice versa. I can go on and on but you know exactly what I'm talking about here! We have so much dysfunction! So what can we do? What do we do? Lets start by working on ourselves, simply stop pointing the finger at others and check ourselves. I know that if we ALL would examine ourselves as thoroughly as we examine one another this world would be a much better place to be in. Now there are some things we aren't going to be able to avoid noticing, I'm not suggesting we come down with a bad case of tunnel vision but I am suggesting that we treat people with respect and keep our inability to be perfect in mind! If someone does something that doesn't sit well with you, pull them to the side the way you would want to be. Don't make a spectacle of them, it will only cause them to be defensive even if you're right-especially if you're right! We have so many double standards, do you know anyone who treats people exactly the way that they don't like to be treated? It's almost funny! I think we're all guilty of this at some time or another. You know that person who will cut in line but gets angry when somebody jumps in front of them? Or the person who asks a lot of questions but hates it when they're asked a lot of questions? The person who keeps everybody waiting but hates to be kept waiting? This is a big one, the person who's quick to criticize but gets upset when somebody makes a small suggestion to them? I'm making a conscious effort to show the same consideration for others that I want shown to me. We'll be surprised at how often we whip out our magnifying glass for everyone else and our blind fold for ourselves.

Removing The Blinders

I've recently discovered so much in regards to religion. Until recently I've been listening to people in leadership more than I've been reading the word of God. Since I've been reading the bible and seeking God for myself I'm finding that things aren't at all the way I thought they were. I accepted Jesus as my savior during the faith movement-when the sermons were about naming and claiming those things you wanted from God. I don't recall anyone preaching in depth about obstacles, delays or anything like that, it was always about believing, speaking the word to your situation or having the faith to get what you want. As a result the way that I've received this type of preaching has left me a bit out of touch the with reality. Lately I've been examining the lives of believers(people who've accepted Jesus as their savior) and unbelievers(those who haven't) and I find there's not much of a difference outwardly. Both groups go to school, work, get married, build families, they both experience sickness or other hardships and so on; however the group of believers that I know including myself tend to wait on God to do everything because we were taught to seek Him and wait in all that we do. Then I look at the unbelievers they don't think all this is necessary, they just go for it and manage to live the same if not more fulfilling lives. I find myself at a crossroad, does it take all the the believers do to get where we want to be or not? I've seen unbelievers come through storms and they didn't even consider going to church. I can't say anything as far as if they prayed or had someone pray for them or not but I can tell you they didn't going around slinging oil and rebuking devils! I'm not questioning God about what He does or doesn't do, that's not an option for me. I am questioning if it takes all that we've been taught. I'm not saying anything against preachers in fact I think they could have been sincere, that they may believed themselves what they were teaching; but to me-some thing's missing. Okay let's say you have your believer who wants to get married, then you have your unbeliever who wants to get married also, of course the believer has been taught to pray about it and wait for God to bring her a husband but the unbeliever just starts looking, when I say looking she's now (inconspicuously I hope!)going places where it's possible to meet someone. Who do you think will get married first? Or lets say you have your believer who's looking for a job, remember the believer has been taught to pray and wait on God to show you where to go. However the unbeliever just starts pounding the pavement, who do you think will get a job first? Some people take things literally, I really think more caution should be taken when in a position of great influence. If you find yourself extremely confused, ask God- not man for clarity and be sure to wait to sense His guidance, not only will he show you what to do and He'll send the right people to help you as well.

Who Is He To You?

Are you having what some would call a wilderness experience? It seems as though nothing particularly good is happening for you right now. The things that ARE happening you really could do without, but still you're hoping, praying and it's taking everything in you not to give up. You get a glimmer of hope but then that's taken away. It seems you're all alone, you're confused and it feels like you're never going to emerge from this dark, dry place. Somehow you manage to hold on to what little hope you have believing that things will get better. Family and friends try to encourage you and it helps until you absorb the next blow, that unwanted news or something else goes terribly wrong. Some may try church or some other religious settings for the first time and some will be returning to them. There are those who will go in an entirely different direction because at this point it's all about finding relief. Unfortunately some people turn to drugs, alcohol, perverted sex and things of that nature; anything that will allow an escape or help to numb the pain. Eventually we will have to find the reason for whatever this is that's causing all this discontentment and get to the root of it. How are we supposed to conquer what we don't confront? We constantly wonder what's going on? Where did we go wrong? When will this ever end? Will it ever end? Some of us ask God what does He want from us? We're perplexed because it usually comes out of nowhere or so it seems. Looking back, I find that when my life is about to shift this happens to me, when I feel like I should be doing more with my life I start going through these changes. I hold God responsible for this, because I believe it's Him stretching my faith, taking me to another level and allowing me to get to know Him better/in other ways. How will we know Him personally as our healer if we never experience sickness? How will we know him as our deliverer if we don't get stuck in those hard places and it's Him and only Him who brings us out? I don't want to know about God or know of Him I need to know Him personally, like you know your parents, a favorite relative or a best friend. When we pray to know Him in this way knowledge of who He is doesn't just drop into our hearts and minds. It's in the tough times, when He shows up and rescues us when we get to know Him as our deliverer. When we experience His peace as we come through a storm, we can call Him the Prince Of Peace. When He heals our bodies we recognize Him as our healer. When He supplies our needs we then look to Him as our provider. When he restores our finances, marriages or whatever we're unable to repossess then we look to Him as the all sufficient God. These are the times when we find out for ourselves just who He is to us, we see Him as never before. He becomes "THE GREAT I AM" to us, the only one who's able to bring us through absolutely anything!

Have You Given Up On Your Marriage?

If you are one who's thinking about giving up on your marriage my prayer is that you will think again. We took a vowel before God to take this man for better or for worse, that may not mean much to us at times but it means a lot to God.(Eph.5:22-33) I'm aware of many the challenges that marriage presents, but I ask you to weigh the good and the bad. If your good outweighs the bad I'd like to suggest that you hang in there. If you're husband is trying yet still falling short perhaps he's lost, rarely will a man admit this; so more than likely he will shut down and it appears as though he doesn't care. Let me pause for a moment- I'm not talking about marriages where the man isn't supporting his wife/family, he's is abusive or being unfaithful! I'm reaching out to the ones who are experiencing some turbulence in other areas. If people we're to be more transparent I think a lot of marriages would survive. Many of us go into our marriages painting this perfect picture of how we're expecting it to be, or we look on at other marriages who appear to have it all together; no wonder we're ready to let go when things get uncomfortable. Look at all the older couples who've been together for thirty, forty, and fifty years plus, you think they haven't wanted to end things at one time or another? I'm sure some of them certainly have given it some thought. I wish more of the couples (with healthy marriages)who've managed to stay together would reach out to the ones who are having trouble and encourage them. It's so sad how we will do anything to save face, I'm not saying just go around discussing your personal business to everybody but if your aware of a situation and you've been down the same road you see them headed for it would be nice to at least offer some advise. My husband and I have definitely had our of hurdles to overcome and I'm sure there will be more, but divorce just isn't an option. And ladies don't you dare worry about what people will say! There's always going to be someone with something to say, just how important is their opinion to you? It shouldn't be more valuable than God's. We ALL have issues in life, they all may not be the same but EVERY BODY'S has some! If you take the time to pray, allow God to speak to your heart and put in some work I believe we see things differently. When we're looking from a place of frustration and resentment it impairs our vision limiting our ability to see the entire view. When we take away the emotions we become rational then we're able to have sound judgment. There will be times in every marriage when it's great, not so great and then you may find yourself somewhere in between-we have to keep this in mind so that we won't be so quick to give up. We're only going to get out of it what we put into it and there has to be two willing participants. We shouldn't stop dating and making ourselves appealing to one another because it will get stale and boring. I said all of this to say-we must to be truly committed to our marriage, being honest with each other, willing to compromise, being supportive, and most of all forgiving each other. Without God's grace I don't think we're able to do these and all the other things that it takes to stay together.

No Forgiveness - No Freedom

When we allow this venom to invade our souls we become imprisoned denying ourselves of the very freedom that Christ died for us to have. I don't think many of us are aware of the damage that bitterness can cause in and around us but if we take the time to look closer we will see it's affects. For years like many of you I've struggled with forgiveness, I would want to forgive but that's something that just doesn't come easy for me. I'm amazed by people who are able to easily forgive a hurt or an offense, some people don't have to work at it at all. Unfortunately I'm not one of you, truth is...I need some time! Nevertheless I'd like to share what I have learned about the process that's helped me tremendously. I've learned though prayer and reading that everyone doesn't naturally have the ability to easily forgive but with prayer and effort we are able to bury the hatchet. Unforgiveness is an extremely powerful spirit, the bible says if we don't forgive others God won't forgive us, that shows you how powerful this spirit can be. I don't think that anyone who believes in God doesn't want to be forgiven by Him. I'm so glad that He understands us and has so much mercy! To harbor bitterness means we have to have had some kind of affection or level of trust for our offenders at some point and this is where the problem lies. We don't allow others to have faults, the deeper our love and trust for someone is the worse the impact will be if they let us down. For those of you who say the person didn't mean that much to you let's be honest, how many of us are affected in this way by a stranger or an acquaintance? As I said this isn't easy for me but I'm determined to get victory in this area of my life. I must say I've come a long way, my logic was the more you forgive-the more you will have to forgive. I'm a firm believer in "nipping it in the bud!" It's in our nature to push everything and everybody to the limit, we're all guilty of this in some way or another. I figured if I just cut people off I wouldn't have to worry about it happening again, so I would write them off the first time I felt they'd crossed me. Think about it, what positive things comes out of holding a grudge? Not one! You're sin's won't be forgiven by God, holding on to the memory of the hurt only makes the wound deeper which makes it take longer to heal and when we live this way we unintentionally give our offender control over us, that's ironic because that's the main thing we're trying keep. This all stems from fear, the fear of being hurt, disappointed, betrayed, rejected, made a fool of and all the other poisonous thoughts that we entertain. We come to the conclusion that if we don't forgive that will eliminate or lessen the chances of these sort of things happening to us. Unfortunately it's impossible to escape these things, as long as we have to deal with imperfect people in an imperfect world we all will continue to offend and be offended, so how can we do the right thing even when somebody else chooses not to? Make the choice to forgive, sometimes it comes easy and other times it's a long process but as long as you choose to forgive in your heart God will work out the rest.

He Won't Marry Me!

If you've been in a relationship and you're ready to get married but he's made it very clear that he doesn't want to get married chances are very slim that you will. If you've already been living as if you're married that's makes them even slimmer. Most men thinks if it's already working while you're living together why is it necessary to get a piece of paper? The men I've talked to don't think it makes a difference. I don't mean to sound judgmental, I'm the last one to pass judgment on anyone because my husband and I were together a long time before we said "I do." However, our feelings were mutual, neither of us ever ruled out marriage we just had the "one day it will happen" mindset. At one point we'd even gotten engaged but never took it any further. Then sure enough the process began, one Sunday I went to church and the sermon was about fornication(having sex without marriage.)I still remember that sermon like it was yesterday, I was sinking lower and lower every time I heard the words; "STOP FORNICATING!" yelled from the pulpit. I felt so guilty! That message had a great impact on me, all of a sudden I was no longer satisfied with just living together anymore, I felt I needed to be married and quickly! For those of you who are wondering just where it says that in the bible read 1Corinthians's chapter 7 verses 2&3. As I was saying just living together wasn't comfortable for me anymore, on the other hand there was still another part of this equation to be considered-my fiance who hadn't had a spiritual encounter at all! That didn't bother me though because my mind was made up! I told him that I couldn't do it anymore, I told him that I wasn't going to keep living with him without being married, my conscious couldn't take it anymore. By this time we had a four year old whom we could have passed this life style onto, it was like a light came on and I could see clearly. I had already resolved in my mind that somebody was leaving if we weren't going get married so I had peace about calling it quits, and I wasn't afraid to lose him at all. I loved him very much but I didn't want to hold on to someone who didn't think enough of me to marry me. God had really awakened something in me, I remember being fearless(I sure wish I could have that attitude for every situation!) Within about a week my fiance called me from work and told me to start planning our wedding. This may not be the most romantic story, but my point is I didn't settle for just living together as boyfriend and girlfriend. I could have allowed the fears I spoke of earlier to overwhelm me but with the help of my God I found the strength I needed to speak out and stand my ground. It hasn't always been a walk in the park, we've had our ups and downs...you know all the stuff married people say! I won't say what usually comes next because there are some things I would change, but I will say that it is worth it. Yes having a strong marriage and a happy family is worth every bit of the work you have to put into it. My husband and I will be celebrating our 16Th wedding anniversary soon Praise God!

What Do I Now?

I've made some wrong turns in regards to relationships, some that I've been fortunate enough to correct and some that I can't do absolutely anything about...so what do I do now? I accept my part, forgive myself as well as others and keep moving forward learning from my past mistakes. We have to let go and stop looking back, won't be able to reach for what's ahead and hold onto things of the past at the same time, it's just not possible. When we try to do this life becomes stagnate and when we're in this position we're no good to anyone especially ourselves. When we've been in an unhappy relationship for a long time a part of us wants to believe things are going to be okay but the other part knows it's not. It can be extremely difficult getting out of it, you literally feel stuck as if you're encased in cement; you don't want to stay but you don't want to go either. There's the fear of being alone, if there are children involved, the fear of being a single parent, the fear of never finding someone else and the ultimate fear for a lot of us growing old and dying alone. Fear can be a very powerful thing when you let it. So what do I do now? We have to confront this fear! Just saying that can be frightening for some people! I believe that most of the time wondering is worse than knowing, it's funny how we try to prepare ourselves for the worse case scenario-as if that's going to change anything. We create this movie in our minds based on how we perceive things to be and by the time we're finished making this horror film we don't can't even think straight let alone make a move! We subject ourselves to all of this mental and emotional torment convinced that we're just trying to prepare ourselves for our findings; that somehow if we knew more about what's going on than we can handle things a little better...NOT! No matter how much we try to brace ourselves there's still going to be some level pain. We can't keep avoiding the inevitable if we have suspicions, at some point and time we will need to face the truth. If you're not going to do anything once you've discovered the truth than please don't even bother looking for it! Doing this only makes matters worse for you. Okay let's just put it all out there! You suspect your man is involved with someone else, you confront him but he denies it; there's nothing you can do at this point but put your suspicions in your mental file cabinet until you have proof. Later you find proof- solid proof, so you confront him again, hold it right here-Ask yourself, do I really want the truth? If you get a confession this means you're going to have to do something about this but if he denies it; oh well than this means I don't have to deal with the heart ache. Either way it's not going to be pleasant. You can choose to confront him find out the truth and leave the relationship or put the blinders on hoping that if you pretend nothings wrong then it will all go away. Subconsciously we choose the latter, we could know he's lying but we don't want to face the pain of unfaithfulness, the broken trust, all the deceit and God forbid being without a man! Ladies we've got to stop this! That's how we end up settling for crumbs and men wind up having their cake and eating it too! We must set boundaries and stick to them, a man knows when your willing to settle; he knows when he's going to keep getting over and how does he know this? He can sense the fear of losing him, we reinforce this every time we let him get away with being unfaithful, yeah we may scream, curse and cry or give the silent treat for a while but he knows eventually...she'll come around because she doesn't want to be by herself. How insulting!(but true)Is it not? So now what? I'm so glad you asked! First you have to get strength that can only come from God, contrary to what we may believe we can't do anything without His help. With His help we are able to stop seeing what we wish we had, and start seeing what we really have; we can stop making excuses and lying to ourselves. His truth opens our spiritual eyes to every other truth , I believe when we have His insight we're no longer vulnerable when it comes to wrong relationships. My prayer is that every woman is able to see herself the way that our heavenly Father sees us,(1Corinthians 6:19-20) once this happens we will no longer need to be told "Don't Settle For Crumbs."